Miers Borked for support of aborters

Miers withdrew her nomination today after much criticism from Conservatives. Most pro-lifers on the conservative side were concerned about a speech she gave in 1993 in which she expressed her view that women should be allowed to make their own decisions about abortions. To appease conservatives and liberals alike, President Bush is searching for a non-contested appointment.

On an unrelated story, the President is now currently accepting applications for a Supreme Court nominee. You must be over five feet, have a distinguished legal and/or lottery commission career, and be of a background where people might call you a poor Blacktinonese woman.

Miers and Saddam - The Judge and the judged.

Ok, so these two jokes aren't all that good, but this disclaimer, combined with the fact that there are two, should allow me to publish these ones as filler until tomorrow.

William Kristol, a prominent conservative, has criticized the Bush administration for the Miers nomination. He has suggested that Miers would lack the intellectual prowess needed to establish her beliefs in a senate confirmation hearing. Editor of The Weekly Standard, Kristol is a well-known voice in conservative reporting and is respected in the industry for his quality campaign.

Saddam, the Iraqi dictator, is now going on trial for the crimes against humanity that he committed before the US-led invasion in 2003. Saddam was found in a “hidey-hole,” as the news media dubbed it, it in December of 2003. Saddam is expected to be found guilty of at least three counts of DWI, Dictating While Insane. Commentators familiar with the process say that punishment could be as severe as a complete revocation of his dictators license and up to a 3 year restriction from riding camels.

Woooosh!

Tropical Storm Wilma, or as the locals call it ohshitwe’refuckedagain, is the 21st storm of the year. It has formed in the Caribbean off the U.S. Gulf Coast. It is set to tie a record if it evolves into hurricane. In case the storm shifts towards Flordia, residents are ready. Disney World has already re-inflated Mickey’s shoes and provided all the Smurfs with stilts.

Hilton: One night in... Britain?

After selling the rights to use the Hilton brand name in 1964, the US Hotel chain has offered to buy the British based group of Hilton hotels. Although the exact offer is undisclosed, it is estimated that the British based Hotel chain may be worth 5.6 billion dollars. The US-based chain can easily raise the billions of dollars needed by charging for the previously free hotel towels.

The bird flu: Gobble Gobble

The European Union confirmed today that a virulent strain of the bird flu has been detected in Turkey. The bird flu was detected after 1800 Turkeys died on a farm in Kiziksa. This Turkish strain of the bird flu, contracted by Turkeys, has proven to be the most ironic case yet. Health officials have also said that Turkey will not be invited to Thanksgiving this year.

Welcome and I'm sorry

First off, welcome.
Second, I'm sorry.

I don't like blogs in general which is why I say I am sorry for adding to the hellacious mess that has become "blogging." I think some people's opinions are useless, I think the writing style and the content on blogs is poor in general, and I think that when established journalism starts quoting from joe blogger, that society should collapse in on itself and we should all consider moving to Iceland (yes, the country is named after ice.) Besides, I think your experiences are nice for you, but I don't really care about what guy accidently peed on the floor when you were going to the bathroom at McDonnalds and how you realized that peeing on the floor is bad, it doesn't affect my life in any way unless it was Jesus taking that piss. In which case, I would have slipped him my business card with a small request for a La-Z-Boy recliner and a downtown location in Heaven. I would not have written a blog about my experience.

I created this blog because I like writing, I like to write "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" style jokes, I need practice, and these jokes should be enjoyed, or mocked, by others. How else can I become better? I think of this place like the Wikipedia for me. A peer-edited/critiqued place for me to write. Thanks for reading by the way.

Lastly, I think that voter apathy is a huge threat to our democracy, our society, our legitimacy around the world, and of course, wastes the millions of unused touch-screen computers that could be running some awesome virtual version of that frog smashing game.

Thanks -J