Harry "cop-a-feel" Potter

The latest Harry Potter, Goblet of Fire, has just been released in theaters. This movie features a Harry Potter who is now 14 and beaming with hormones. In addition to the older cast, the new film carries a PG-13 rating and additional violence and sexual tension. In particular, parents don’t appreciate how Harry uses his magic wand to abracadabra all over Hermonie’s face.

Riots in France: A war France can WIN??

Riots in France by minorities who feel they are being ignored by the government, despite rising levels of unemployment, have continued into their 12th night. The French prime minister Dominique de Villepin has granted local authorities the ability to establish a curfew. Eric Raoult, the mayor of Raincy, has setup a curfew between 10pm and 6am. The mayor does allow this curfew to be violated in certain important circumstances that involve either purchasing a beret or taking a step outside to smoke a fag.

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Australian Prime Minister John Howard has warned the public of a new terror threat. Although he couldn't be specific, because of ongoing operations, a recent Security Intelligence Organization report warns of a growing Islamic fundamentalist threat at home. Minister Howard has already hired Paul Hogan to investigate.

Australia has already requested assistance from the US government. George Bush has promised to provide Australians with detailed plans for creating the entire Terror Alert chart.

Minister Howard has already suggested that all residents stay inside, be watchful, and has warned citizens to check the pouches of their Kangaroos for bombs.

Tuesday bloody tuesday

It was reported on Tuesday, October 25th, that 2000 American soldiers have now died in Iraq. Although this milestone may be arbitrary, it is an alarming number. James Carafano, a former lieutenant colonel made politic pundit, has said that, "It's still an incredibly low number that doesn't even equal the number of casualties we had on D-day." He then said, "and as we learned from D-Day, we can greatly reduce the number of deaths by training all of our soldiers in Iraq to be more like Tom Hanks."